Buy my domestic bliss

Yall, I'm movin! It is time for me to bid adieu to my totally impractical Brooklyn apartment and haul ass (and lots of other shit that's going to burn a god damn crater in my credit line) over to a brand spankin' sexy new flat in Washington Heights.

The move makes me anxious for a handful of reasons: I'll be living on my own; I'll be paying more rent while not sharing utilities; I'm not sure how my neighbors will take to the black tar heroin ring I operate from home... Most of all, my palms are sweatin over the dollars I'll have to spend. I'll be breaking bank not only for the inter-island schlep, but also for the myriad of abstracts that I still need to, like, live.

I was joking with my friend Amytang that I'm going to have a housewarming party for which I'll create a gift registry at Urban Outfitters, Ikea, Bed Bath & Beyond, and the like. It started out as a joke but the more I consider how fucking sparse my inventory is, I'm beginning to take it very seriously. So without further ado, here is how you can contribute to the Katelyn Lahr Apartment Foundation:

1. Coat rack Unfortunately there is a terrific lack of closet space in the new digs, but ample entryway. I like it in light blue, okay guys?
2. Mattress pad Now that I'm not living in an 8'x8' sleeping cubby, I can turn my twin size bed into something that the MTV would call "where the magic happens." My magic (read: Facebooking, sleeping, and occassionally eating pickles) needs proper lumbar support and queen-sized rolling area.
3. Pots and pans Because in the new apartment, unlike in Brooklyn now, I will NOT be making bestfriends with that guy from Sapporo Haru who delivers my sushi and seems eerily content with making a 20-minute trip in 14-degree weather.
4. Curtains It's curtains for me! Nyah hahahaha. I think these seafoam guys have the potential to look either very happy or like a hospital treatment.
5. A dresser Or wardrobe. Totes loves this mirrored one from Pier 1:

6. Quilts, pillows, comfies I really love the stuff Urban has, but I cannot justify paying twice the amount I spend on groceries on fucking fluff stuffed in fabric. Still... this Russian doll bedspread is criminally precious.

7. A microwave Can you believe I don't have one? Why? Who am I?

8. Some pretty paper laterns I think I'm a little too fond of paper lanterns. They're nice and they emit a warm glow, that's for sure, but they kind of scream "I'm a white girl who's trying to make my dorm room look classy."

9. Something to get me started Duh. And my new neighborhood juice emporium delivers! Hurrah!
10. A kitteh I'm going to be so lonesome! (sad face) Allegedly no pets are allowed in the building, but when I looked at the place the first go-round a woman was on her way out to take her pooch for a walk. I think if she can keep a yappy terrier I can smuggle in a four-pound something that confines itself to one apartment, poos and pees in a box, and never makes sound except to hiss at me when I'm drunk. I'm doin it.