Somebody's got a case of the MONDAYS.

It's meeee! Here is what I want to declare to the world aujourd'hui:

1. I cleaned my apartment last night! I didn't really pick up my room, but I did scour the kitchen, hallway, and bathroom so that these suckers never make another undeclared appearance. My kitchen and bathroom smell like cleaning solution and I loves it! Also, my feet squeak when I walk on the hardwood floors (whereas previously the soles would collect their own dust mite/crumb/wrapper sock if I went barefoot). But for srlsy, I'm so proud of myself! And everything is easier to do with The Real Housewives of NYC playing in the background!
   
2. This morning I had a glass of orange juice with some biotin in it, so my hair would FRIGGIN START GROWIN ALREADY (I'm balding, yall). I was like, cool, I've had about 80 calories so far - sufficient breakfast. But "making good" on my last post, while walking to work this morning, I decided it would be a really healthy idea to stop in at Cosi and pick up a grande "Arctic Mocha," which screams its caloric evil every time it slips down my throat. Not kidding, yall. This shit tastes like a nine-year-old invented it by mixing shaved ice and Hershey's chocolate syrup. It leaves this sweet, slippery film on your lips every time you take a sip.
3. When I paid for my chocolate aneurysm with a $20 bill, I got three $5 bills back (yeah, apparently Cosi thinks that gradual fatal installments of mocha cost $4.50 a pop). And holy maloly! Look at the new $5 bill! WHAT THE FAHK? It looks like a Parsons graphic arts student collaborated with the Count on Sesame Street to create this. Not to say that I'm not highly pleased with this tender, but it does kind of look like when you turn it over, the Mint seems to be telling us "this note has been brought to you by the NUMBER FIVE!"

(By the way, I was going to hyperlink to the Cosi Arctic Mocha, but when I found the sight and the nutrition facts popped up, I automatically closed the window and chucked the last quarter of the drink in the trash. Let's just say that I have just consumed at least a third of my daily calorie intake today.)