NYU, you're dumb.

Do you know why Ms. Patricia Trattoria here is smiling? Neither do I (nor do I get why a 20-year-old college student would shop at Casual Corner). Because NYU sucks dick. In more ways than one (like your mom - OH). With all my qualms about their yellow lines and red tapes aside, and their shockingly simplistic ploys to hemorrhage my parents out of their money* put on the back burner, I'd just like to take a minute to say NYU, you make my life probably four grillion times harder than it needs to be.

Lately, all dorms in NYU housing installed a seemingly brilliant and efficient system of swiping gates, allowing any student who lives in NYU housing to swipe through without having to call their friend to come sign them in, thereby avoiding an obnoxious 10-minute interval of standing in the lobby while said friend watches Project Runway until the commercial comes on. Any student not living in housing must have their friend come down, swipe them in at the security guard's (read: senile/bored/sadistic twat face) desk. Since I'm in a sorority, I have been blessed with a little pink sticker identifying me as Greek, allowing me to simply flash my ID and walk in without grudge. Funny, then, that I stood at the front desk for 20 minutes last night screaming at the security guard, clanking a bag of five 40-ounces, begging to get in. Pray tell, what is the point of a Greek sticker, or any sticker for that matter, if all it does is waste a few hundred dollas of NYU's precious endowment and NOT serve its only prescribed purpose of getting me into a fucking building? Maybe this should teach me that I really don't need to be wasting time at Lafayette anymore playing drinking games and consuming flat beer in fraternity bedrooms, watching the sophomores for whom I bought this hooch shamelessly hook up. Considering that I'm now, in relation to other participants, a freaking fossil. I guess it's time for me to realize that I am steadfastly approaching the checkpoint of being "too old for this shit." (® Stephanie O'Cain, 2006)

* Funds that are meant for me to pinch and spread out for rent/alcohol/shoes until I'm 26