Parvin told me to do it

Parvin told me to try LIVEBLOGGING this episode of RHONY, so I'm going to try, and then go back and edit (I know, that's breaking the rules) and post.  Too bad I forgot until 5 minutes in!  Yall missed Jill's second event meeting and a graphic design brainstorm between Bethenny and Alex.  Nothing happened - let's go.

Aaaaand here we go.  LuAnn talking about self esteem and why she likes herself to young girls to put in her service hours at Countesses 'R Us.   I cannot wait for Richard's recap on this.

Now she's trying to explain her torrid past.  Look at the blank stares.  Richard, you know what to do with this.

Oh dear lord sweet Jesus.  She called out a girl who wanted to be a model, saying that losing weight is easy.  Great contribution to a SELF ESTEEM WORKSHOP, you horrid C U Next Tuesday.

I'm not crazy about Jill's new apartment.  Places that look too much like a model home and or hotel lobby and or weird jewelry boutique on Spring Street don't look lived in.  And the coffee table says "pop."  WTF.

Bethenny, I love you for directing national attention to Alex's hilarious website and Simon's Fan Club.

Bethenny, I love you for shining light on the truth of Jill's apartment that will only look good for 5 months.

The partner is Simon.  I went to watch videos on BravoTV.com and they totally spoiled it.

Told you so.

This is the best plan EVER.

Oh look, Kelly segment!  Which to me is the same as a commercial so I'm getting up for a glass of water.

"Everyone wants to go out with Max," you know, like everyone with a dick.  Right Kelly?  Or like, everyone who's Simon van Kempen.

Speaking of Simon, looks like those two weeks of the tennis unit in phys ed Down Under did a wold of good.

Now Simon's panting and sweating.  Now he's picking up balls.  A little censorship please, FCC.

Why on God's great earth does Alex need sexy reference photos for a LOGO?  Isn't it her job to make a design?  She must be watching lots of Logo.

They cut back shortly to show an out-of-sequence moment of Jill having a Jew sob in her kitchen.  So, there's that.

Oooh!  Real Housewives of NJ preview comin up!

Kelly, there's a diaper popping out of your navel.

Shut up Ramona.  You can choke on my Team Jill shirt.  Nothing is gauche except your husband's rapey eye stare that he flashes anyone with a set of boobies.

Look everyone!  Alex came!  And she's wearing the upholstery from that leather couch we had in the basement and threw out last year!

Ramona's stretches look like a really poor audition for Debbie does the Tennis Courts at Chelsea Piers.

Also, tears in her eyes and pursed lips is a great way to look unfazed.  She's got a great poker face.

Alex, shut the hell up.  It wasn't fair to subject Simon to tennis that because he was sick that day in Socialite Class when they went over WASPy sports.

And Ramona and Mario win against their "disrespectful" partners.  Yawn.

One more thought:  "JERSEY GIRLS ARE LIKE THE REAL DEAL."  (Straight from the horse's mouth.)  This looks so. Ridiculously. Scrumptious.  Evidence:

"I wanted to get new bubbies, but my husband, he's an aaass maaaan...  My husband's delicious.  He's gawt the big muscles, the big tan, the big everything... My little girls aaw divas like theh mama."  ~Thank you Theresa.  Good luck on your impeccably tasteful French Chateau vision for the house.