WHAT! IS! THIS!

It's the holiday spirit, I tell ya! Living in New York is supreme, in my opinion, because every holiday feels like a thousand million appeals for celebration. Or maybe it's just that Ann Reilly is my mother and I feel like EVERY DAY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THEMED DAY EVER OMG when a holiday strikes. Anyways. I cuddled down tonight around 2/3/4/7pm/daylight endings time whatever! tonight to watch a true masterpiece, The Nightmare Before Christmas. To those idiots of you not in the know, it's on YouTube, and it's great! And I just. Sigh. I just want to applaud humanity - - - for having enough holidays to fulfill a HOLIDAY LAND. Seriously! We have THAT MUCH to celebrate. That's all.

What's more than all is I love this time of year. Let's gets effin CHRISTMASY.

Aint no love if you don't use a glove (and tell mom)

Finally, MTV has added to its repertoire a program of moral fiber and cultural recognition. The show which is aptly (albeit disturbingly) dubbed "Sex... with Mom and Dad" gains little publicity while quietly reminding kids that, hey, your parents probably know you're bumpin uglies with your boyfriend/ that kid who blindly took you to homecoming/ that person who maybe served you a double chalupe at 2am at Taco Bell... and it's OKAY.

I only caught one episode of the show tonight, and honestly, I don't know when it's regular airtime is, but I strongly petition for this stroke (hehe) of genius to garner a "10 Spot" slot in a Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday night rotation, because it delivers such a well-aimed, pivotally relevant, and seriously important message. Guess what. Kids that watch MTV fuck. And they don't tell mom and dad about it. Hence, there are SHITLOADS of 17-year-olds that can't get birth control (or testing for STDs) without their parents knowing. And this thoughtful, brilliant idea shows these little "sluts" that your parents would so much rather be enlightened, and take the precaution, than have an unpleasant surprise a few weeks down the line.

I'm going to open up now, which is something I've never really done in this blog as far as my personal life goes, but I have a really, really kick-ass mother. She is bar none my best friend, and probably one of the most amazing ladies I've ever been aware of God creating. As part of the "I'm your friend and we're both humans" mantra she espoused while I was growing up, she and I made a pact to be clear with each other about my sex life (because I was at least realistically aware of hers). We agreed that as soon as I started having it, I would be honest, at least so she could get birth control for me? Why? Because she's my mom. She has a moral obligation to look out for me. She's not going to let me run into on-coming traffic, and she would be flippantly remiss to let me dive into Man York without being aware of the repercussions. I admit it. I'm not a virgin (and I've sweat through the crises that such indiscretion can introduce), and I'm not the pristine, pure white female for which my Catholic schooling preened me. But neither is my mom. She's a realistic woman who, with 30 years experience over me, can guide me (as a parent is SUPPOSED to do).

On the other hand, I have friends who are adults. They are not sluts, but they certainly and clearly been sexually active recently and have decidedly NOT been open with their parents (who, by the way, largely spearhead their health insurance) about it. Why? Oh, I've heard a plethora of reasons: I've only slept with 1/2/3 people, and I know they're clean... We used protection... I wouldn't want my parents to know... Blah blah bullshit. This just in - you live in a sexually liberated yet unsound world. Sex is fun and free and encouraged, but just like EVERYTHING ELSE in the world (apartments, bills, drinking, eating good food), it comes with risks and the demand for precaution. Your parents (and you) would be negligent not to have an open dialog about it. And just as an aside, if I had a 20-year-old child who hadn't mentioned a breath about sex to me I would feel one (or more) of three things: a) that I wasn't his or her friend/ that I was unapproachable, b) that I went wrong somewhere in his or her upbringing that he or she can't communicate this sort of thing, or c) that she is ultimately a pariah who cannot get laid.

And, as a good friend of mine declares, universal care starts with the 'rents.

So thank you, MTV, for shedding light on not just a sexual dilemma American families face, but a social one. Parents are obligated to groom their offspring for the adult world. And yes, penises and vaginas are WEIRD - no one wants to talk about em! But when your child finds themselves in trouble, what kind of parent will you consider yourself?

New Favorites! Or, longest post ever.

1. NOT eating avocado roll every day. For srsly. I love buying my groceries, making dinners and packing lunches (even if it's just sandwiches since we never called the gas company) and saving myself that $10/day. The economy is wack, yall. Your girl can't be wastin G's on anything other than hooch.

2. Summer film festival in Bryant Park. There's nothing like getting off work, heading straight to (probably) my favorite place in Manhattan - Bryant Park, eating cheese, getting wasted on the lawn, and waiting to watch a dumb old-timey movie. The past few times I've gone the films have been boring as H-E-double hockey sticks, but being able to lie back and stare at the tips of sky scrapers under a totally open sky, hearing the far-off sounds of cosmopolitanism, and listening to the crackly mid-century voices of Turner Classic movie stars is really surreal. I tend to get a little TOO drunkies, and once all the wine's done I decide to sing theme songs or mock people on neighboring blankets loudly, and that spending 45 minutes on a train rather than finishing a story I haven't paid attention to is more important, but regardless, the two hours prior are golden summer moments. (Also, props to NYC Parks Commission for making the bathrooms there literally look like bathrooms at the fucking Rainbow Room. Yes. I've tried them. Two toilet paper rolls up!)

3. Going home. I used to come down on myself for being too much of a baby to not stay in the city for more than a month or two at a time, but fuck that. My family rocks hardcore, my mom's a hot ass bitch, and we threw a fucking kick-ass party at our joint this weekend. I come from one hot brood, yall.

4. Being employed. Duh.

5. VH1's new dark horse I Love Money. I know I said I was so disappointed in VH1 in my last post, and to be truthful, I am. The way they pinch off no-fuss reality shit shows, recycling tired old characters who we can all clock in at 15:01, really bastardizes the great channel I grew up with. And the title? "I Love Money"? Holy shit, VH1, you never cease to astound us with the things you come up with. Especially because 75% of your programming now starts with "I Love ___" or is book-ended as "Best ___ Ever."

But I digress. The title of this post is "New Favorites," and I must admit that since I try everything once (thatswhatshesaid) I HAVE lent VH1's new craptacular experiment the privilege of my attention. And - oh shit - I'm hooked. Natch. It's like MTV's Real World/ Road Rules Challenge, except everyone comes in already being hilarious - ain't no semblance of dignity here. What's more, it actually looks like (despite their ruthless efforts to become real actors) people actually seem to get along! Here's a video of the first contestant to get the boot talkin some sexist STD smack. Oh, Midget Mac you will (not) be missed, you bite-size little nugget of douche.

VH1 TV Shows

Music Videos

Celebrity Photos

News & Gossip

6. My neighborhood. For the longest time I thought that I had rushed into settling into anapartment in which I'd never be fully content, mainly because it was like eons from the L (or the G) train and way too close to the BQE. I thought the only thing that surrounded me was a Staples, a McDonalds, and really really shitty fall-out shelter type delis that were only good for selling candy bars and mediocre Boar's Head. But tis not so. Recent excursions have brought me around greater Greenpoint (which really is only in the opposite direction of the L - shame on my nonadventurous self!), and I've discovered it's actually SO lovely. And I actually CAN access a grocery store and laundry place. I've been running (yeah you heard me!) around McGolrick Park, which is flanked by two very pretty churches, a 19th-century public school, and tons of trees. Inside the park are really gorgeous paths littered with benches, some gorgeous statues, a neoclassical pavillion, a dog run, and billions of kids riding bikes and catching fireflies. Sound fruity? It totally is. But it's so much better than the situation I thought I was in. Brooklyn, I actually DO heart you. And if you need any more evidence that Greenpoint does not equal shithole, then check out this dude's little vignettes on the hood in Lost City, which include two McGolrick park inhabitants: the "Luncheonette/Fountain" corpse and the Palace Cafe. Which I have yet to try.

7. Speaking of - Lost City! Loves how this guy unearths the past of some facades of what we'd typically refer to as tack city - or look past all together. I'm puttin this bitch in Babylinks.

8. Boys you can find state side. Take it from Estelle, Kanye, and my new favorite jam:

If you love me (and margaritas)

Since I'm pretty sure my readership for this blog counts to about three, I'm going to go ahead and post this in the good faith that random creepers aint gunna show up at my house.

On the weekend of July 4th, if you have one point or another in my life or yours called me "friend," you are cordially invited to the Lahr/Reilly/Whiteside/Zaret graduation party at my parent's non-burnt-down house in Potomac, Maryland. Party is on July 5th, pre-gaming starts on the Fourth. What's in it for you? Free food, margarita machines, rad jams, and watching me + every other female in my family embarrass herself via alcohol. Call me for details, because this party is going to be off the hizzy, and you are going to look this happy at the end of the night:

Looking forward to May, when I'll be 189 pounds and reading People with a cigarette!

These are my goals for the month of April:

1. Find a full-time job. Or at least immerse myself very much into the search so I'm not eating cookie dough and living under flight paths and break dancing in the Times Square subway station for dollas this summer.
2. Quit smoking. I think by at least the time finals are over I'll be nico-free!
3. Stop wearing outfits two days in a row because I'm too lazy to go back to Brooklyn for a night.
4. Lose five pounds. I really need to lose, like, 15-20, but I'm going to be real about this. I aint running 8 miles a day, peeps.
   
5. Corollary: persuade myself that sesame seed bagels toasted with 2 pounds of cream cheese, washed down with a 300-calorie Jamba Juice, does not a healthy breakfast make.
6. Start reading more. And start reading items that are published seasonally, not every seven days (aka put down the Us Weekly).
7. Do my homework. Like, when it's due instead of three weeks later.
8. Clean my FECKING APARTMENT.
9. Hunt for lost treasure.
10. Convince my mom that "twat" is a much funnier word than it is offensive. You know, kind of like "addiction."
1. On those heels, sell society on the idea that the term "doing it" is so much more hilarious than "having sex."
   

My mom learned how to use iChat.

Mom: The girls are on their way home form the Spice Girls concert
Mom: Roger Clemens got screwed
Katelyn: ZIGAZIGA
Mom: whatsat mean
Katelyn: It's a Spice Girls phrase
Mom: ohhhh
Mom: Libby looked amazing so did Alana
Katelyn: Greeeeeeaaaaaaaaat
Katelyn: My French professor went to the Spice Girls concert
Katelyn: ... twice.
Mom: cool
Katelyn: He didn't go with his kids or anything
Katelyn: He went with his boyfriend.
Mom: is that his pardner?
Katelyn: Yes
Katelyn: I believe that's the correct term.
Katelyn: Or that guy he has sex with.
Mom: ewwwww dave letterman is talking about tainted meaat
Katelyn: How well that ties into this conversation...
Mom: don't talk about people having sex unless you have personal knowledge of their carnal knowledge
Mom: Gots to go for a minute - Libby's home!
Katelyn: Bye!
11:50 PM