CFS, No. 4

It's the Cute Fucking Shit Inaugural edition!

I know, I know. The Inauguration hype is sort of running out of steam and people are slowly resorting back to realizing how much life sucks. At least it's in a mindset of suffering conditions in the country rather than suffering leaders in the country.

Still, I can't get over Maliah and Sasha! Jeeze. They're just. Too. Precious. There have been a ton of stories about their Jonas Brothers scavenger surprise and the fancy new school they're attending (though aren't all DC private schools...), almost to the point where you'd wonder if they're kinda, you know, brats. To be honest, I'm insanely jealous of them. But I think I can rest assured that these two are not little a-holes because in all their pictures they seem to be innocently, sincerely loving every moment of their pop's limelight. Case A: Huffington Post's "Most Adorable Moments" slideshow, in which we see Maliah documenting these life-changing days on her digital camera (something about that is just so cool and endearing to me) and Sasha looking like she had successfully coerced the White House kitchen to enable her major sugar addiction. Scuse me while I puke rainbows.

Obauguration

The fact that no one is talking about what an historic day it is here in this office gives me severe misgivings. It also makes me miss my hometown DC (aka "God's country" as a high school friend used to call it) more than I ever thought I would. I am so ridiculously proud of the Obamas and must say that we have one fiiiine lookin' family in the White House. Seriously. Sasha and Meliah were a-DORBZ, Michelle looked like a lemon pudding dream, and Barack looked about as refreshing and expensive as an economic stimulus package.

And here's some fun for the losers like those of us who WEREN'T invited to an inaugural ball. Which I'm sure will all have shitty booze and lame jams. Anyway, look guys! An inauguration ball gown quiz! I got 7 out of 8. How'd you do?

I could lose this lemon in return for a rad trike.

You wanna know why I voted Obama two weeks ago? It's not because I was voting for terrorism and ACORN, and it certainly wasn't because I wanted my overmedicated grouchy Pop Pop telling me whether to watch MacGuiver or 60 Minutes, it's because of johnmccainisyourjalopy.com and barackobamaisyournewbicylce.com - two websites that bear more truth than an EPT. If you don't get either of them, well, then I guess you voted for the apropos man.

Hellobama

I would be remiss as an adult functioning person if tonight I didn't give my nods to the man who had single-handedly (question mark if you count the internet as an entity in and of itself, I guess) changed the face of American campaigning ( youth culture/ redistribution of wealth/ ideological priority/ racial question/ economical reality/ physical health/ campaign finance reform/White House puppies aside from Miss Beazley) in only two short years. Congratulations, Mr. Obama, in finally sealing the title that you have not only stridently labored to earn, but that we have so desperately been seeking to place. I am confident in your abilities.

So uh, puppies?