The OC girls, as I've said before, are entertaining merely because they're all outrageously insidious and self conscious. However, I think the reason they don't measure up to the NYC girls for me (aside from the fact that I live in New York myself and have an allergic reaction to Southern California) is because they tend to be a little inconsistent. If I liked these girls to begin with, they somehow ended up letting me down, and vice versa. On the other hand, I will ALWAYS love Jill Zarin, ALWAYS scoff at Alex McCord, and ALWAYS think Ramona Singer has lost it. And lo, the following are my comprehensive opinions about our West Coast compatriots.
Jeana Jeana is oozing with insecurity and it hurts my heart. It also makes her scenes extremely difficult to watch. Jeana is sweet on the outside and has the semblance of the most rational women in the OC with her docile manner and her sage wisdom. She only occasionally makes snarky comments, but more-than-occasionally makes very non-confrontational judgments. Her inability to stand up for herself is most evident - and most frustrating - in her interactions with her kids. The way she lets her rancid sons verbally rip her apart is just. fucking. appalling. I used to be really turned off by feminists, but it's women like this that remind me what we have to lose in a simple abusive relationship. Blech.
Tamra Someone at Bravo envisioned the profile of the perfectly lofty entitled Orange County wife, and Tamra Barney embodies it. She's really good at sabotaging people. With tequila. And using all the stupid shit they did when they were drunk against them in a court of blond judgmental women. Of all the OC housewives, she's the one who most resembles your best friend from seventh grade: she laughs with you, tells you how hot you are, and goes shopping for a dress to wear to the dance with you. But then she goes home to text the boy you have a crush on, send a blow to your self-esteem in a three-way calling attack, and write in her diary about how big your ass looked in that dress. In other words, I really like Tamra, but damn, bitch is straight outta Mean Girls.
Vicki I think Vicki is sort of the top dog of the OC housewives. Funny enough, Vicki also thinks Vicki is sort of the top dog of the OC housewives. Vicki's trademark is harping on about how hard and constantly she works, which really is a commendable feat considering how faithful she is to her responsibility of filming a reality show for Bravo - dutifully going to all the restaurants, spas, and nightclubs she needs to film her scenes. It disappoints me to see how poorly Vicki handles her relationship with her family, especially her husband Don. She excludes him from almost everything she does, and it's clear that Don just gets through it by downing another Corona and laughing about it. Drink up, Don, drink up.
Lynne Just as I do with all the other housewives, I have mixed feelings about Lynne. Because overall, this lady seems to have wandered into this whole mess in the midst of a hashish trip. She genuinely doesn't seem to have any ill feelings toward anyone, and has very rarely made a hurtful comment about anyone, behind their back or to their face. Her relationship with her husband is so adorably real and her Jessica Simpson inspired comments are silly at best. However. I think this woman lets her peyote habit get in the way of her consciousness that she's on national TV. Yeah, her kids are a little out of control - and they're very typical of a normal American situation - but Lynne sort of lets it slide. Like, lady, are you going to even TRY to discipline these girls? Because much as the fog of THC is clouding your vision, there are about a couple thousand women out there right now who are judging your face off. Including single, childless women. Like me. Put down the bong and take that girl's keys, because she just raided your liquor closet.
Gretchen I was really rooting for this lady from the start, which was tough in light of all the criticism she was getting, including from the all-knowing Bethenny Frankel (thegreatesthousewifeEVER). Like Lynn, Gretchen honestly seems benign (no cancer pun intended). You may call it Anna Nicole behavior, but to me Gretchen did seem honestly concerned for fiancé's leukemia and sincerely in love with him. I'm sure there were tons of days where the camera's didn't follow her into the hospital when she visited him, since the hospital doesn't have pinot grigio flowing and blond bitches fighting, but it's suspicious how often Gretchen managed to run off on little trips with the girls. As the season went on, it got a little tiring to hear her make that "I need to get away from stress of the hospital" excuse and you had to begin to wonder how quickly Jeff was whithering away in whiles. He ended up passing away in September, and the amount of promotional material that was quite obviously filmed afterward, in which Gretchen has a breezy smile on her face, is pretty fishy. Lauri Waring Peterson quit filming in the middle of the season to help fight her son's heroin addiction, and, you know... just sayin, Gretch.I guess when all's said and done, I'm just really looking forward to trading in short and shiny minidresses against a sunset for some tasteful LBDs in high rises.
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