Read it!

You guys! Today I started my Project Fattylegs. Please follow it on Parvin's blog!

I love you. :)

Biggest Loser

Parvin and I have joined awesome forces, and by that I mean the awesome force of Parvin has asked me to write an entry for her awesome force of a blog. It's actually going to be the greatest column in the world, wherein I document a rigorous and committed weight-loss regimen. Please follow it, because this time I intend to take it incredibly seriously (which means you need to stop expecting me to get drunk with you... MOM!) and your attention and enthusiasm is 80% of my motivation. Also, Parvin is the best blogger ever, so there's even more in it for you when you read her endearing posts.

Do it, fucker, or monsters will eat your brains.

Dear Robert Pattinson,

I have made many concessions to this whole Twilight franchise of yours. I devoted my attention to an admittedly entertaining but mostly ludicrous four-book saga. I sat and suffered through 120 minutes of your sparkletwink and sequoia trees. I am giving your cinematic sequel the benefit of the doubt, and have reluctantly vocalized my interest in seeing it. I even professed out loud my belief that you were hot - despite the ever-growing wave of dubious sentiment concerning the matter. But this - this I cannot take, Mr. Pattinwhoey. You simply lose all credibility when you show up in Vanity Fair, trying to look sexy and smoldering, when clearly the wind has just knocked you out from under your piano bench. Not even Edward Cullen looks good when a boatload of Jäger drives him to play the Moonlight Sonata with his god damned feet.

Game. Over.

Respectfully,

Katelyn Reilly Lahr

WHAT! IS! THIS!

It's the holiday spirit, I tell ya! Living in New York is supreme, in my opinion, because every holiday feels like a thousand million appeals for celebration. Or maybe it's just that Ann Reilly is my mother and I feel like EVERY DAY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THEMED DAY EVER OMG when a holiday strikes. Anyways. I cuddled down tonight around 2/3/4/7pm/daylight endings time whatever! tonight to watch a true masterpiece, The Nightmare Before Christmas. To those idiots of you not in the know, it's on YouTube, and it's great! And I just. Sigh. I just want to applaud humanity - - - for having enough holidays to fulfill a HOLIDAY LAND. Seriously! We have THAT MUCH to celebrate. That's all.

What's more than all is I love this time of year. Let's gets effin CHRISTMASY.

Mwah

Red lips. Are one of my new favorite things. They make lips look young and sweet and classic and lusty! Having red lips makes me want to walk around and act like Katherine Hepburn and be all breathy and indignant. And talk in a WASPy New England accent! The one I'm wearing now is Kat Von D's "Underage Red." (By the way ladies, yes, it's Kat Von D, but lipstick is lipstick!) Online it looks kinda dumb and bland, but swatched on (at least my) skin, it looks so thick and poppy and perf! Get thee to a Sephora and buy one! And plant a big wet one on your man.

You're welcome. ~BL

Cross Country, Part II

Readers, herein lies Part II of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure Brendan and Katelyn's Cross Country trip, Part Deux. As you will recall, Brendan and I embarked on a five-day journey from Washington, DC, to Los Angeles, California. This is the second chapter of my account of the experience.

August 28th, 2009 Oxford, Ohio to St. Louis, Missouri
States crossed: Illinois, Indiana, Missouri
We woke up in an upperclassman house on the campus of Miami of Ohio, just outside Cincinnati.* As previously mentioned, Brenny, my sweet little baby bro, woke up on the porch. Piece of work he is.

We had a nice hungover, salty, and yummola breakfast at a diner on campus. Miami of Ohio is exactly what you'd picture a regular college to be like - you NYU/Columbia/BU/Georgetown/community college alums, you. It's roll-y poll-y and surrounded by nothing (slash, hicks) and has a bunch of really specific in-jokes.
Once Bren and I said good bye to Awesome Jillian, we drove through sunny, sunny fields, all the way to Indiana. This was when I truly felt like I was driving cross country. I was in a state that was obscure enough not to have a sitcom based in it! (Sorry, Parks and Recreation, you're too recent.)
I have to say that one thing, among many, that I'm proud of from this trip was the fact that we got out of the car in almost every state - the one exception being West Virginia, if you discount Maryland being the state we started in. We got out immediately after we crossed into corn-fed Indiana. To say that the gas station there was one of three attractions in Indiana would not be an exaggeration, considering the most urban spots we witnessed were this:and this:
THUG LYFE.

We crossed into Illinois as the rain was falling and Brendan's own spirits were getting cloudier and cloudier. (This was my attempt at the Illinois state sign.)
... So I took over the wheel! Sitting on a phone book and box of CDs, since the seat broke.
Illinois was very non-particular. Unlike Indiana, it wasn't just acres and acres of corn, and local CVS's did not dictate the cosmopolitan centers of life. Illinois, on the other hand, pretty much looked like the New Jersey Turnpike for miles and miles, until right outside St. Louis, where it started to look like rural America, and JESUS, all over again. Hallelujah.I drove all the way into St. Louis, and therefore, Missouri! Our seventh out of twelfth state.St. Louis is in fact a very kind city. I could never imagine living there, because it seems to hold true to its nickname, "Gateway to the West." The highway seems to almost intersect downtown, and the whole layout just makes St. Louis seem like you're supposed to leave tomorrow. There are really only ten blocks of action. People from St. Louis, prove me wrong here!Or I'll have your bear eat you.

What I can say is that the Cards game made me warm to St. Louis, as it was filled with good-natured, beer-loving families and engaged couples that had SWARMED there - just for a game against an indubitably young and mediocre team (The Nats? Really, St. Louis? You care that much?). It was pretty ironic for me and Bren since the Nationals were in town, and pretty fortuitous, because they actually played the best game I've ever seen them play. However, it didn't do anything for the very obvious fact that Brendan and I were the only ones dressed in Nats gear...
... or that Pujols hit an incredible, game-winning homer in the bottom of the ninth.
Anyway, after the game, Brendan and I trekked (on foot, this time) once more through the delightful Midwestern Mecca of St. Louis, and to bed, to bed... to wake up, step through the Gateway, and start on our way to the West.
*Would you know how to spell "Cincinnati" if not for seeing it in text? I bet you a zillion dollars no.

Why I let this person crash on my couch.

G-Chat. Thursday, October 8th, 2009.

Amy: hahaha

a nj court says it's legal to sodomize a cow

me: agh, are you kidding?

there goes my weekend

Amy: *LEGAL

not illegal

me: oh

well then

party's back on

Amy: are you calling me a cow?